Santa's wife was expecting & the baby was due any day. Santa was very confident it would be a boy & was looking forward to the D-day. As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city & had to join office immediately. Before going, he asked his father-in-law to send a telegram confirming birth of his son, but in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he asks his father-in-law to write "the watch has arrived" & he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa's father-in-law didn't know what to do.. If he writes "the watch has arrived" Santa will think he has got a Son. If he writes "watch has not arrived" Santa will get worried that something serious has happened, but being a very intelligent person, he finds a solution & sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads "The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing".
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Never try to outsmart a woman
1. Women Are Smarter Than Men
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man", he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars". The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.
2. Women's Revenge
"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked, after folding the items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No", she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.
3. Wife vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep", the wife replied, "in-laws".
4. Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men". The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
5. Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee".
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee".
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me".
So, she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS".
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man", he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars". The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.
2. Women's Revenge
"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked, after folding the items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No", she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.
3. Wife vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep", the wife replied, "in-laws".
4. Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men". The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
5. Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee".
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee".
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me".
So, she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS".
Birds and Bees (Modern Version)
DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a Software Engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO .Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to up load, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
His dad, who is a Software Engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO .Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to up load, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
Management Course (No Offence Intended)
Lesson 6: 6-Lesson Management Course
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Management Course (No Offence Intended)
Lesson 5: 6-Lesson Management Course
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Management Course (No Offence Intended)
Lesson 4: 6-Lesson Management Course
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Management Course (No Offence Intended)
Lesson 3: 6-Lesson Management Course
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Management Course (No Offence Intended)
Lesson 2: 6-Lesson Management Course
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Management Course (No Offence Intended)
Lesson 1: 6-Lesson Management Course
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel & stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 & leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel & stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 & leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
India is still a developing country
The Ant and The Grasshopper
Old Story:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
New Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven & Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,
...AND
As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!
Old Story:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
New Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven & Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,
...AND
As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Company Policy Effective August 2009
Dress Code
1. It is advised that U come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see U wearing Prada shoes & carrying a Gucci bag,! we assume U are doing well financially & therefore do not need a raise.
2. If U dress poorly, U need to learn to manage your money better, so that U buy nicer clothes, & therefore U do not need a raise.
3. If U dress just right, U are right where U need to be & therefore U do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If U are able to go to the doctor, U are able to come to work.
Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing U can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow U to work through your lunch hour & subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, & a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank U for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation & input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management.
Prison Vs. Work
IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON... you get three meals a day. AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON... you get your own toilet. AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.
IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside Bars.
IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK... they are called managers.
So why is it, again, that we work?
IN PRISON... you get three meals a day. AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON... you get your own toilet. AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.
IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside Bars.
IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK... they are called managers.
So why is it, again, that we work?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Ingleees!!!
Please go thru this at your own risk cos if you forget English after reading this and lose your job, I won't assume any responsibility.
[click image for larger view]
Who does it belong to?
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in theUnited Nations Assembly that made the world community smile...
A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want totell you something about a rishi named Kashyapa of Kashmir (Kashyapa,son of Marichi, son of Brahma), after whom Kashmir is named.
When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What agood opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted todress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What areyou talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there at that time.'
The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have madethat clear, I will begin my speech.'"................And they say Kashmir belongs to them."
A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want totell you something about a rishi named Kashyapa of Kashmir (Kashyapa,son of Marichi, son of Brahma), after whom Kashmir is named.
When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What agood opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted todress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What areyou talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there at that time.'
The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have madethat clear, I will begin my speech.'"................And they say Kashmir belongs to them."
Friday, September 4, 2009
Similarities between Lincoln and Kennedy
PURE COINCIDENCE?? YOU BE THE JUDGE!
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Intellectual Joke
Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
Einstein's counting
1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.
Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out, he claims that he is not Newton.
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m square. That makes me Newton per meter squared. Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, therefore Pascal is OUT...........!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Indian on the top of the world
Do you know who is in the highest position in the World?
President Barack Obama?
NO!
UN Secretary General?
NO!
Pope Benedict?
NO!
Wonder No Longer...
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Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India is the cult hero of Dubai 's army of construction workers.
Known as the "Indian on the top of the world", Babi is the crane operator at the world's tallest building , the 819-meter Burj Dubai. His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home. Apparently it takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile. When the building is completed, its elevators will be the world's fastest.
Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai 's workers. Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he's paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month. All agree he's worth it.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Virgin Mary
President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.
Pope: "Sorry about the mix up."
President Clinton: "No problem."
Pope: "Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven."
President Clinton: "Why's that? It's not that great."
Pope: "All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
President Clinton: "Sorry, Your Holiness, You're a day late."
Thursday, June 18, 2009
English translations of common French and Latin phrases
ad hoc - to this
Generally means "for this", in the sense of improvised on the spot or designed for only a specific, immediate purpose.
ad referendum (ad ref) - to that which must be brought back
Loosely "subject to reference", meaning that something has been approved provisionally, but must still receive official approval. Not necessarily related to a referendum.
addendum - thing to be added
An item to be added, especially a supplement to a book. The plural is addenda.
affidavit - he asserted
A legal term from Medieval Latin referring to a sworn statement. From fides, "faith".
agenda - things to be done
Originally comparable to a to-do list, an ordered list of things to be done. Now generalized to include any planned course of action. The singular, agendum (thing that must be done), is rarely used.
alias - otherwise
An assumed name or pseudonym. Similar to alter ego, but more specifically referring to a name, not to a "second self".
alter ego - other I
Another self, a second persona or alias. Can be used to describe different facets or identities of a single character, or different characters who seem representations of the same personality. Often used of a fictional character's secret identity.
alumna or alumnus - pupil
Sometimes rendered with the gender-neutral alumn or alum in English. A graduate or former student of a school, college or university. Alumna (pl. alumnae) is a female pupil, and alumnus (pl. alumni) is a male pupil—alumni is generally used for a group of both males and females. The word derives from alere, "to nourish", a graduate being someone who was raised and taken care of at the school.
amateur - a non-professional
Anno Domini (A.D.) - in the Year of the Lord
Short for Anno Domini Nostri Iesus Christi (in the Year of Our Lord Jesus Christ), the predominantly used system for dating years across the world, used with the Gregorian calendar, and based on the perceived year of the birth of Jesus Christ. The years before Jesus' birth were once marked with a.C.n (Ante Christum Natum, Before Christ was Born), but now use the English abbreviation BC (Before Christ).
ante meridiem (a.m.) - before midday
The period from midnight to noon.
aqua - water
artiste - a skilled performer, a person with artistic pretensions.
ballet - a classical type of dance.
bona fide - in good faith
In other words, "well-intentioned", "fairly". In modern contexts, often has connotations of "genuinely" or "sincerely". Bona fides is not the plural (which would be bonis fidebus), but the nominative, and means simply "good faith". Opposite of mala fide.
bon voyage - have a good trip.
bureau (pl. bureaux) - office.
café - a coffee shop (also used in French for "coffee").
cliché - literally negative; trite through overuse; a stereotype.
circa (c.) or (ca.) - around
In the sense of "approximately" or "about". Usually used of a date.
confer - bring together
Thus, "compare". Used as an abbreviation in text to recommend a comparison with another thing.
curriculum vitae - course of life
An overview of a person's life and qualifications, similiar to a résumé.
décor - the layout and furnishing of a room
de facto - in fact
Said of something that is the actual state of affairs, in contrast to something's legal or official standing, which is described as de jure. De facto refers to the "way things really are" rather than what is "officially" presented as the fact.
déjà vu - already seen
an impression or illusion of having seen or experienced something before.
dossier - a file containing detailed information about a person; it has a much wider meaning in modern French, as any type of file, or even a computer directory
en route - on the way
entrée - literally "entrance"; the first course of a meal (UK English); used to denote the main dish or course of a meal (US English)
et cetera (etc.) - And the rest
In modern usages, also used to mean 'and so on' or 'and more'.
et tu, Brute? - And you, Brutus?
Also 'Even you, Brutus?' or 'You too, Brutus?' Used to indicate a betrayal by someone close. From Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, based on the traditional dying words of Julius Caesar. However, these were almost certainly not Caesar's true last words; Plutarch quotes Caesar as saying, in Greek (which was the language of Rome's elite at the time), καὶ σὺ τέκνον; (Kaì sù téknon?), in English 'You as well, (my) child?', quoting from Menander. Some have speculated based on this that Brutus was Caesar's child, though there is no substantial evidence of this.
exempli gratia (e.g.) - for the sake of example
Usually shortened in English to 'for example'. Exempli gratia,'for example', is commonly abbreviated 'e.g.'; in this usage it is sometimes followed by a comma, depending on style.
extant - still in existence; surviving
extant law is still existing, in existence, existent, surviving, remaining, undestroyed. Usage, when a law is repealed the extant law governs.
fiancé/e - betrothed; literally a man/woman engaged to be married.
genre - a type or class, such as "the thriller genre"
Grand Prix - a type of motor racing, literally "Great Prize"
habeas corpus - You (shall) have the body
A legal term from the 14th century or earlier. Refers to a number of legal writs to bring a person before a court or judge, most commonly habeas corpus ad subjiciendum (you may have the body to bring up). Commonly used as the general term for a prisoner's legal right to challenge the legality of their detention.
id est (i.e.) - that is
"That is (to say)", "in other words", or sometimes "in this case", depending on the context; may be followed by a comma, or not, depending on style (American English and British English respectively).
Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum (INRI) - Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews
Direct quote from the Vulgate, John 19:19. The inscription was written in Latin, Greek and Aramaic at the top of the cross on which Jesus was crucified. (John 19:20)
in vitro - in glass
An experimental or process methodology performed in a "non-natural" setting (e.g., in a laboratory using a glass test tube or Petri dish), and thus outside of a living organism or cell. The reference to glass is merely an historic one, as the current usage of this term is not specific to the materials involved, but rather to the "non-natural" setting employed. Alternative experimental or process methodologies include in vitro, in silico, ex vivo and in vivo.
liaison - a close relationship or connection; an affair.
The French meaning is broader; "liaison" also means bond such as in "une liaison chimique" (a chemical bond).
libra (lb) - scales
Literally "balance". Its abbreviation, lb, is used as a unit of weight, the pound.
lieu - from Latin locus ("place"); in lieu of: "instead of", "in the place of".
This is illustrated for instance in the English word "lieutenant", which literally means "place-holder"
Magna Carta - Great Charter
A set of documents between Pope Innocent III, King John of England, and English barons.
magnum opus - great work
Said of someone's masterpiece.
montage - a blending of pictures, scenes, or sounds
Opus Dei - The Work of God
Opus Dei is a Catholic institution founded by Saint Josemaría Escrivá. Its mission is to help people turn their work and daily activities into occasions for growing closer to God, for serving others, and for improving society.
per - By, through, by means of.
per annum (pa) - through a year
Thus, "yearly"—occurring every year.
per capita - through the heads
"Per head", i.e., "per person". The singular is per caput ("through a head").
per se - through itself
Also "by itself" or "in itself". Without referring to anything else, intrinsically, taken without qualifications, etc. A common example is negligence per se.
post meridiem (p.m.) - after midday
The period from noon to midnight.
post mortem - after death
Usually rendered postmortem. Not to be confused with post meridiem.
pro forma - for form
Or "as a matter of form". Prescribing a set form or procedure, or performed in a set manner.
pro rata - for the rate
i.e., proportionately.
quod erat demonstrandum (Q.E.D.) - which was to be demonstrated
The abbreviation is often written at the bottom of a mathematical proof. Sometimes translated loosely into English as "The Five Ws", W.W.W.W.W., which stands for "Which Was What We Wanted".
quorum - of whom
The number of members whose presence is required under the rules to make any given meeting constitutional.
rapport - to be in someone's "good graces"; to be in synch with someone
reconnaissance - scouting; like connoisseur, modern French use a "a", never a "o" (as in reconnoissance).
reportage - reporting; journalism
répondez s'il vous plaît. (RSVP) - Please reply.
requiescat in pace (R.I.P.) - let him rest in peace
Or "may he rest in peace". A benediction for the dead. Often inscribed on tombstones or other grave markers. "RIP" is commonly mistranslated as "Rest In Peace", though the two mean essentially the same thing.
rigor mortis - stiffness of death
The rigidity of corpses when chemical reactions cause the limbs to stiffen about 3–4 hours after death. Other signs of death include drop in body temperature (algor mortis, "cold of death") and discoloration (livor mortis, "bluish color of death").
rôle - a part or function of a person in a situation or an actor in a play
sabotage - subversive destruction
From the practice of workers fearful of industrialization destroying machines by tossing their sabots ("wooden shoes") into machinery
signetur (sig) - let it be labeled
status quo - the situation in which
The current condition or situation. Also status quo ante ("the situation in which [things were] before"), referring to the state of affairs prior to some upsetting event.
théâtre (or theater) - a building or area where plays, performances, lectures, or film showings are given
verbatim - word for word
Refers to perfect transcription or quotation.
versus (vs) - towards
Literally "in the direction". Mistakenly used in English as "against" (probably from "adversus"), particularly to denote two opposing parties, such as in a legal dispute or a sports match.
veto - I forbid
The right to unilaterally stop a certain piece of legislation. Derived from ancient Roman voting practices.
via - by the road
Thus, "by way of" or "by means of".
vice - in place of
Thus, "one who acts in place of another".
vice versa/versa vice - with position turned
Thus, "the other way around", "conversely", etc. Historically, vice is properly pronounced as two syllables, but the one-syllable pronunciation is extremely common. Classical Latin pronunciation dictates that the letter C can only make a hard sound, like K and a v is pronounced like a w; thus wee-keh wehr-suh.
vis-à-vis - face to face [with] : in comparison with or in relation to; opposed to.
From "vis" (conjugated form of "voir", to see). In French, it's also a real estate vocabulary word meaning that your windows and your neighbours' are within sighting distance (more precisely, that you can see inside of their home).
Some popular misconceptions
Snake is not the most poisonous creature on Earth, as it's widely believed. Instead, the Golden Poison Frog is.
It is commonly claimed that the Great Wall of China is the only man-made object visible from the Moon. This is false. None of the Apollo astronauts reported seeing any man-made object from the Moon. The misconception is believed to have been popularized by Richard Halliburton decades before the first moon landing.
The most common incorrect explanation of the lunar phases is that they are caused by the Earth's shadow. Instead, as the Moon orbits Earth, we see its illuminated half from differing angles in relation to the Sun.
It is a common misconception that seasons are caused by the Earth being closer to the Sun in the summer than in the winter. In fact, the Earth is actually farther from the Sun when it is summer in the Northern Hemisphere. Seasons are actually the result of the Earth being tilted on its axis by 23.5 degrees. As the Earth orbits the Sun, different parts of the world receive different amounts of direct sunlight. In July, the Northern Hemisphere is tilted towards the Sun giving longer days and more direct sunlight; in winter, it is tilted away. The seasons are reversed in the Southern Hemisphere, which is tilted towards the Sun in January and away from the Sun in July. In tropical areas of the world, there is no noticeable change in the amount of sunlight.
Different tastes can be detected on all parts of the tongue by taste buds, with slightly increased sensitivities in different locations depending on the person, contrary to the popular belief that specific tastes only correspond to specific mapped sites on the tongue. The original "tongue map" was based on a mistranslation by a Harvard psychologist of a discredited German paper that was written in 1901.
The claim that a duck's quack does not echo is false, although the echo may be difficult to hear for humans under some circumstances.
Bats are not blind. While most bat species do use echolocation to augment their vision, all bats have eyes and are capable of sight.
Nowhere in the Bible is the fruit eaten by Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden referred to as an apple. The fruit is called the "fruit of the tree" (that is, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil), and neither the fruit nor the tree is identified by species. In Middle English, as late as the 17th century "apple" was a generic term for all fruit other than berries but including nuts. However, in continental European art from that period representing the Fall of Man the fruit is often depicted as an apple. The apple myth comes from a Latin word likeness: Latin mălus = "bad", mălum = "an evil", mālus = "apple tree" and "mast of a ship", mālum = "apple (fruit)". Other traditional claims for the fruit include grapes, figs, wheat and pomegranate.
Nowhere in the Bible is Mary Magdalene ever referred to as a prostitute. Before her seeing the risen Jesus, the only other mention besides the listing of her name is the mentioning in Luke 8:2 that she had been possessed by seven demons. In fact there are several sinful women mentioned in the gospels, one of whom is "caught in adultery". The earliest recorded mention of this connection was in a sermon of Pope Gregory.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say exactly three wise men came from afar to visit "Baby Jesus", nor that they rode on camels. It was assumed that there were three Biblical Magi because three gifts are described. Additionally, the wise men did not visit on the day Jesus was born, but they saw Jesus as a child, in a house as much as two years afterward. (Matthew 2:11).
The Black box, used for aviation accident investigation, is actually painted bright orange as to aid in recovering it from the crash site.
One popular misconception about human brain is that humans use only 10% or less of their brain. There is no scientific basis for this assertion. Many functional brain imaging studies show activated regions encompassing well over 10% of the brain. Perhaps the most remarkable thing about this myth is that nobody has ever been able to pin down its origin. This misconception most likely arose from a misunderstanding (or misrepresentation in an advertisement) of neurological research in the late 1800s or early 1900s when researchers either discovered that only about 10% of the neurons in the brain are firing at any given time or announced that they had only mapped the functions of 10% of the brain up to that time.
Interesting Facts
- A cat has 32 muscles in each ear!
- Butterflies taste with their feet!
- A crocodile can't stick out its tongue!
- A goldfish has memory span of just 3 seconds!
- A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes!
- A snail can sleep for three years!
- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain!
- Sailor, Dead Leaf, Paper Kite, Blue Striped Crow, Julia and Great Egg Fly are all names of BUTTERFLIES.
- A cheetah does not roar like a lion, it purrs like a cat (meow).
- A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but monkeys can't.
- A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.
- A zebra is white with black stripes.
- Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
I am not your father
A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."
Chilly Q&A
1. Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday
2. Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
3. Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
4. Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
5. Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
6. Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
7. Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
8. Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
9. Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
Most Creative & Cool Business Cards
100% discreet business cards for head hunter Aert van Seggelen. Completely edible business cards with 'read it then eat it' instruction.
Business card from a second hand store.
Business card from "Lush Lawn and Property Enhancement." The business cards were letter pressed by hand and stuffed with grass seed. The best thing about them is when you hand one out, the seeds shake and instantly pay off the idea.
Business card from a Divorce lawyer. The perforated card demonstrates what divorce lawyers can do.
Business card from a Couples Therapist.
Business card from a Graphics Designer.
Business card from a Furniture Company.
Business card from an Acupuncturist.
Business card from a Dentist.
Hazards of Coke
1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway! after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl & let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous China.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
For Your Info:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
! Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
2 To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!
Interesting Facts
-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
-You use 200 muscles to take one step.
-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
-There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.
(At this very moment I know well you are putting this last fact to the test :-)
To people who are about to get married
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I am still paying for it."
Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in most countries son."
There was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair?
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds of letters saying the same thing, "You can have mine."
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